Actual article
from the LA Times.
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my
big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil." Eric Tomaszewski told
bemused doctors of the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his
homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Famum, had been admitted for emergency
treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard
tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in". He explained. "As usual,
Kiki shouted "Armageddon", my cue that hed had enough. I tried to retrieve
Raggot but he wouldnt come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match,
thinking that the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital
spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas
and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewskis hair and severely burning
his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers, which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a
cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second-degree bums and a broken nose from the
impact of the gerbil, while Famum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and
lower intestinal tract.
TOP TEN SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS
STORY.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum," ouch!
"So I peered into the tube." Aaaaahhh. Im sorry,
but thats like looking through a telescope into hell. Id rather use binoculars
to stare at the sun.
That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem)
being shot out of the guys anus like a Flying squirrel on Rocky & Bullwinkle.
Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of
someones anus. Im just guessing bit I seriously doubt the said gerbil was
springtime fresh after his little journey into Kikis "tunnel of love".
People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in
their rectums. .
People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they we e
doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story
about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing
me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I
just cant imagine looking at a doctor and saying, "Well doc, its like
this, see we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube,"
"First and second degree burns to the anus".
Wouldnt this make the burning and itch and discomfort of haemorrhoids a welcome
relief? How does one ever take a healthy pocp after something like this? And the smell of
burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of Gods green
earth. .
People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word
for: "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts,"
What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are these.
Mormons? Im starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family,
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