WHAT MEN SAY

...AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

"Hello"

I'd like to bonk you insensible

 

"These parties are the same really, aren't they?"

I only come here to get drunk or get laid

 

"Actually, I'm not much of a conversationalist"

I go like the clappers in between the sheets

 

"Is your boyfriend here?"

Will I be able to bonk you insensible

 

"Could I give you a ring sometime during the week?"

Obviously, I can't bonk you insensible tonight, but maybe Wednesday

 

"It's really great to see you again"

I can't wait to take your under wear off with my teeth

 

"Like my Porsche?"

My nob isn't like it used to be

 

"Why don't you let me pay?"

Now you'll have to go to bed with me

 

"Let's go Dutch"

I don't think I'll be getting anything off you tonight

 

"Let's have quiet night in for a change"

Why should I bother taking you out? I can get a free bonk off you any time I want

 

"Hey, why don't we get dressed up, spend some cash and really go to town tonight?"

Let's go down the Indian

 

"Let's do it with the light out"

That way I can pretend you're Claudia Schiffer

 

"Why don't we experiment for a change?"

I'd like to do something that's still illegal in this country, even between consulting adults

 

"With my worldly goods I thee endow"

Except the 95 per cent I piss away down the pub

 

"Why don't you buy some kinky undies?"

So I can parade up and down in them when you're out

 

"Of course there's no one else..."

I tried to get of with Lorraine but she wasn't having any of it

 

"I think we need to give each other a little more space"

I tried to get of with Lorraine...and succeeded

 

"There'll never be anybody else for me, baby"

Although God knows I've tried