A grim and ghostly mist swirled over the rain sodden streets of North London. The silence was broken only by the hooting of a very gifted bat. The moon was full, and Astronauts queued outside. The wind whistled all through the night and other Welsh hymns.

A car pulled up outside No.15 Birchwood Close as Nigel was giving Shirley a lift home. Nigel was an exceptional young man, heart of gold, nerves of steel, alabaster feet and a knob of butter. It had been a lovely romantic evening, an intimate romantic dinner for two, a single red rose and a candle. Not very tasty but lots of roughage.

Nigel hoped that Shirley would ask him in for coffee, or better still some rampant horny sex. Last time he recalled all he got was a peck on the cheek, but that's one of the drawbacks of keeping a parrot in your underpants. "Why don't you come up to my flat for some rampant horny sex?" said Shirley. Nigel could hardly believe his ears, but nobody could, they were six feet long and covered in fur. Shirley’s flat was small and cold, but fortunately, it was also large and warm.

"Oh! Before anything happens, I'm not on the pill." said Nigel. "Don't worry." said Shirley, "Put this on." Nigel put it on. It was the Beachboys Greatest Hits. Nigel and Shirley gazed at each other, their eyes met, to form one huge eye that could see in four directions. There was a pause, it was Nigel that broke the silence. He apologized and opened a window. Relaxing with the music and wine they both started to undress, there was a slight moment of embarrassment for Nigel when he took his underpants off and the parrot flew out.

They sat opposite each other naked on the bed, Shirley had the most perfect breasts, he leaned towards her and they embraced, there are not many breasts that can do that! Nigel licked his lips, he then licked the small of his back. Which, for my money beats the breast trick anyday.

They made love. Afterwards, Shirley took out a packet of cigarettes "I thought there was something in the way." said Nigel.

"Nigel" said Shirley "Am I the first girl you have ever made love to?"

"I don't know" said Nigel "Were you ever stuck in a lift in Harrods in 1979?"

THE END