I'm David Seamen, and it sure makes me squirm,
Cos my name sound like another meaning for sperm.
Since I signed for Arsenal, I've been getting some stick,
I'm the stain on the bedsheet that's surrounded by sh*t.
My names Lee Dixon, in the shirt number Two,
And I've got no idea, I just don't have a clue.
I'm a second rate tosser, I'm abysmal, just crap,
F**k knows how England ever gave me a cap.
The names Nigel Winterburn, I'm the scum of the earth,
And the didn't shine when my mother gave birth.
I'm a cretin and a moron with a hideous face,
A pile in the arsehole of the whole human race.
My names Michael Thomas, I'm a footballing joke,
But once I was the footballing worlds most popular poke.
I went with Justin we had such good fun,
He used to bend over while I gave him one up the bum.
My names Steve Bould, I'm a physical wreck,
The only thing that's missing is the bolt through my neck.
I don't have many friend, I can name but just three,
Vincent Price, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee.
I'm Tony Adams, with a hoof for a boot,
And I'm not very happy, Its a contract dispute.
George Grahams gonna fine me he says I'm in breech,
I bloody hate summer giving rides on the beach.
The names David Rocastle, you've probably heard,
A dirty lowdown-sneaky-slimy snivelling turd.
Had a go at big Norm tried to prove I was hard,
All I got was a hammering, and then a red card.
I'm Paul Davis, I'm a f**king disgrace,
I sneak up and punch you in the side of the face.
It just wasn't worth the nine weeks I was banned,
I forgot that they videoed the game from the stand.
My names Alan Smith, my opponents all jeer,
I couldn't score in a brothel with ten quid in each ear.
When I played at White Hart Lane I must tell the truth,
There's ten ballboys in row X and six on the roof.
My names Paul Merson, and I think I'm quite flash,
Bought a big German motor, got pissed up and crashed.
I'm banned for a year now and I'll never again,
Try to drive like a dirty fat w**king Scouse dame.
I'm called Anders Limpdick, I'm a social disease,
I'm as welcome as syphilis, herpes or fleas.
My facial resemblance is as close as you'll meet,
To a substance deposited by a dog in the street.
I'm the old man of Highbury, O'leary's the name,
Need a jump-start in the mornings now I'm not quite the same.
I went to George Grahams house we sat by the fire,
He said you old c**t, its time for you to retire.
My names Perry Groves, I'm a bit of a dud,
It's no fun at all when you've a head like a spud.
But I wouldn't leave Gunners for a million in gold,
Cos, even I look handsome at the side of Steve Bould.