The AS IT IS Horoscope

(Jan 20-Feb. 18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a f**king jerk.

(Feb. 19-Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CID or MI5. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are cowardly. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their nose a lot.

(Mar 21-Apr. 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice and bullheaded. You are a prick.

(Apr. 20-May 20) You are practical and persistent, you have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

(May 21-Jun. 20) You are quick and intelligent. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect much for too little. This means you are a cheap b*****d. Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on incest.

(Jun. 21-Jul. 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.

(Jul. 23-Aug. 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are to pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving b*****ds and kiss mirrors a lot.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit - picking habit of yours is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Liberians die of VD

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-ova-bitch. Most Scorpio’s are murderers.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or sh*theads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting f**ked.

(Dec. 22-Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickensh*t, There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.