"We're a very friendly, informal company and everyone calls the MD by his first name...it's Wally."

"Put your P45 through the shredder. That way there can't be any mix-ups and you won't go on emergency tax because there are two tax records..."

"If you fancy a cigarette, go into the boardroom. It's the only place we're allowed to smoke. If it's occupied, just sit in the corner."

"We all talk to the plants in reception, so next time you're down there, introduce yourself to them..."

"Of course you can wear your Walkman at your desk. It helps relive the boredom..."

"You'd better let the MD know you've arrived. Lean across out of the accounts office window, bang on his glass and just show your face..."

"Nothing happens between 12 and 2, so we all take a two-hour lunch break; you could go home if you like..."

"Now it's summer, we all go topless sunbathing on the chairman's balcony at lunch time. If we're not there, start without us..."

"After lunch say: "The boss asked me to tell you to go down to the stationery cupboard and count the staples. Make sure you check individual packet totals, because apparently there's been some pilfering..."