NOTICE

All staff APF EXCEPT MANAGERS

As our company has had to make drastic cuts in spending, Volunteers are requested to commit suicide. This will substantially reduce the Salary bill. Employees Wishing to participate in this scheme are asked to assemble on the rooftop of the office. These arrangements will commence On alternate dates beginning 11.3.93.

Participants will be marked on the difficulty of their dive and the highest scorer will receive enhanced death in service benefits.

This action in view of its voluntary nature will not affect your pension rights.

Participants are asked to avoid landing on company cars or other employees as this costs more money than is saved and may also cause death or injury to non participants.

Non participants are asked to take extreme care on days of action and to give every assistance to the security staff employed to clear the remains. Bodies will be thrown into the skips at the back of the office. So care must be taken not to place any non combustible material into these skips on the two days leading up to the commencement of the days of action. All non participants observing the action are asked to make some form of movement to avoid being inadvertently thrown into the skips.

Any staff participating will be allowed to change his / hers mind until reaching the top floor after which it will be impossible for attending health and safety offices to get into a catching position.

The company hopes to attain a 50% reduction in staff through this scheme. Should the scheme become over subscribed a waiting list will be introduced.

Practice sessions will take place on the day before, suitable apparatus will be provided i.e. kerbs, this will ensure loot success rate on the day. As an after thought, will all participants please take with, them a large plastic bag: It will , greatly assist the security staff and street sweepers if participants are inside the bag as they jump.

Could you also ensure that these practice jumps are shown on your diaries and time sheets, starting date, times, venue etc.

No overtime will be given to any participants jumping outside their normal working hours.