HOPELESS DEFINITIONS

ACROBAT: Someone who will always do you a good turn.

ACTOR: A man who tries to be everything but himself.

ARCAEOLOGIST: A man whose career is in ruins.

ASTRONAUT: Someone who is bound to go up in the world.

ASTRONOMER: A night watchman.

AUCTIONEER: A man who looks forbidding.

BAKER: A person who works for money because he kneads the dough.

BANDLEADER: Someone who has to face the music.

BARBER: A man who talks behind your back.

BIG GAME HUNTER: Someone who looses their way to a football match.

BOXER: Someone who stands up for the other fellow's rights.

CONTORTIONIST: Someone who can always make both ends meet.

CORONER: A profession for which you have to take a stiff exam.

DENTIST: Someone who always looks down in the mouth.

DIPLOMAT: One who thinks twice before saying nothing.

DIVER: Someone who is often let down by his friends.

DOORMAN: A person who has a job with plenty of openings.

DRILL SERGEANT: An army dentist.

ELECTRICIAN: A switch doctor.

ESTATE AGENT: A man who adds stories to the smallest bungalows.

EXPERT: Someone who used to be a pert.

EXPORTER: Someone who used to work for British Rail.

FIREMAN: Someone who is told to go to blazes.

HORSE DOCTOR: A physician with a sore throat.

HUMAN CANNONBALL: A job for which you have to be the right calibre.

JUDGE: A person for whom everyday is a trying day.

MANICURIST: Someone who makes money hand over fist.

MAYOR: A female horse.

MONEY LENDER: A person who takes a lot of interest in his work.

MOUNTAINEER: Someone who always wants to take one more peak.

NIGHT PORTER: Someone who can earn a living without doing a days work.

PARATROOPER: A drop out.

PHOTOGRAPHER: A flash guy.

PHYSICIST: A man who makes lemonade.

POSTMAN: Someone who gets the sack everytime they go to work.

PRINTER: A man of letters.

PSYCHIATRIST: Someone who doesn't have to worry as long as other people do.

SCULPTOR: A chip of the old block.

SKINDIVER: A mosquito.

TAXI DRIDER: Someone who earns a living by driving customers away.

TRAMPOLINIST: Someone whose life is full of ups and downs.

UNDERTAKER: Someone who has a grave manner.

WAITER: Someone who works overtime.