HOW TO MAKE MONEY You could make a fortune from books by writing a book that showed you how you could make place names sound like other things. A famous example of such a book is "The World According to Barf" By Murray Christmas. SCUNTHORPE: A Scunthorpe is a small whitlow that grows on a bank teller's fingers and means that he can't count notes above a certain denomination. SHROEBURYNESS: Shroeburyness is the art of dancing in hot soup. PADSTOW: A Padstow is an off-Centre hole in a long play record. WALTON: A man who has sexual relationships with garden gnomes. SEDBURGH: A Sedburgh is a hard callow on the inside of the knees causing by riding a bicycle without a saddle. PENGE: Penge is the noise a guillemot makes when it's mating. CHIPPING NORTON: A Chipping Norton was a Cartesian monk responsible for grinding the Bromide pellets into the Tea urn.Another book guaranteed to make you as rich as creosote is any book at all about the Royal Family. Because any book about the Royals is guaranteed to sell like chaux patisseries as they say in Chernonceaux. For example, you could do a book on: PRINCE CHARLES'S COLLECTION OF POLO STICKS ROYAL BABIES THROUGH THE YEARS INTERESTING HABITS OF THE ROYAL CORGIS EVEN MORE INTERESTING HABITS OF THE ROYAL ART ADVISORS THE BOOK OF THE ROYAL HONEYMOON THE BOOK OF THE FIRST ROYAL TIFF Another sort of book that could be guaranteed to make you immense amounts of money is any book about animals, either a Book of British Dogs, Dead British Dogs, Famous British Dogs Belonging to Famous British People, or any book about little cuddly animals, such as Rabbits, Squirrels, Field Mice or Moles. So after Watership Down and Duncton Wood you could write a story of a life and death struggle in the underground kingdom of worms. After Rabbits and Moles, why not? And you could even call your book Dungley Dell. Snargla paused In the warm damp dark he was alone. He pushed his head forward slightly. "I want to make Ploot," he thought, "let the others worry if my ploot annoys them". He moved his middle forward and plooted again. The ploot lingered in the tunnel. The tunnel walls trembled. Gogs were moving on the hard sky of his world. Snargla shortened like a pink and white concertina. Two of his brothers had been taken by gogs and impaled on wire to be drowned on the end of a line. One of his cousins had ended up in the stomach of a fish. The people of the Margla hated the gogs and magogs and rejoiced whenever they found a dead one buried in the underbeing. Snargla heard noises behind him. It was Skitta and Snoorglie, two of the younger worms in the underbeing. Skitta shivered violently. "Did you just make a ploot?" asked Snargla "No it was you," said Skitta Skitta went into one of his mystic trances. He spoke in a strange, faraway voice. "I see whiteness whiter than the roof of the world above the world. I see many sky-walkers with curved mouths coming very early, we must leave this place. "Pnish off!" said Skoorglie "What a load of pleat," said Skandal The Brave, who had just arrived down the tunnel. "What is there to be afraid of here? You're off your crust!" At that moment, from the world above the blade of a spade descended, neatly slicing Skandal The Brave in two "we're off," said both ends of him as he crawled off in opposite directions.
Then again, of course you could write a book about sex, perhaps a book that gives you advice about sex. You don't necessarily need to know about it, since you can et much of your information from reading other books about it. Your book about sex could include, for example. Things you should never say while making love. WOMEN: "There’s a fly on the light bulb""Why do men have hair in there ears?" MEN: "Shall I take my socks off?" "That's never happened before" "I can't breathe if I do that""Did you embroider this pillow yourself?"
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