THE JOBBIE GUIDE

GHOST JOBBIE -

The kind where you feel the jobbie come out, but there’s no jobbie in the toilet.

CLEAN JOBBIE -

The kind where you jobbie it out, see it in the toilet, but there’s nothing on the toilet paper.

WET JOBBIE -

The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you put toilet paper between your cheeks so you won’t ruin your undies with a stain.

SECOND WAVE JOBBIE -

The kind where you’re done jobbie-ing and you pulled your pants up to your knees and you realised you’ve got to go again.

POP-A-VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD JOBBIE -

The kind where you strain so much to get it out you almost have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG JOBBIE -

The kind that’s so huge you’re afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it up into tiny pieces with the toilet brush first.

THE GASSY JOBBIE -

The kind that’s so noisy, everyone within ear shot is giggling.

THE DRINKER JOBBIE -

The kind you have in the morning after a long night of drinking. The most noticeable trait is skid marks in the bottom of the toilet.

CORN JOBBIE -

Self explanatory.

THE GEE I WISH I COULD JOBBIE! -

The kind where you sit for a while and only fart.

SPINAL TAP JOBBIE -

The kind that hurts so bad you’d swear it came out sideways.

THE WET CHEEKS JOBBIE (the power dump)

The kind that comes out so fast you’re cheeks get splashed with water.

THE LIQUID JOBBIE -

The kind where yellow brown liquid shoots out so fast it splashes all over the bowl.

THE MEXICAN JOBBIE -

The kind where it smells so bad your nose burns.

UPPER CLASS JOBBIE -

The kind that doesn’t smell.

THE SURPRISE JOBBIE -

The kind where you’re not even at the toilet because you’re sure you’re about to fart, But, oops! - a jobbie!

THE CLIFF HANGER -

The kind that refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you’re done - so you pray a shake or two will cut it loose.